words spilled

2010-01-02T11:44:00.004-06:00

Reality

I think facing reality is one of the most difficult human struggles. Maybe I'm thinking that because I'm realizing how much time I spend trying to escape my reality. I spend 10 hours a day consumed in the toil of my labor, and the other 6 hours of my day I spend trying to forget the first 10. I identify with the Teacher of Ecclesiastes when he writes "Meaningless! Meaningless!... What does anyone gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun?" If we were all really honest, I think we'd all somewhat identify with the sentiment of what the Author is trying to say. I'm not sure what is worse, that my labors are meaningless, or that I spend much of my time trying to forget that my labors are meaningless.

I think entertainment is the cocaine of our country... we are addicted and it brings our escape from reality. I'm not saying that entertainment is innately a bad thing, it's something that should be enjoyed relationally, together, in our communities. But I also think that entertainment is easily turned into substance abuse, just another symptom of a deeper cancer. We want more and more and we are less and less satisfied. Movies, sports, T.V. shows, music, video games, facebook updates and apps, hours spent staring at a computer screen... all diversions from the reality we live in, the reality that we wish not to face.

Of course there are much worse things that people turn to for their escape... alcohol, drugs, porn. But the truth is that even without all of these things we will still find ourselves attempting to escape reality. I often catch myself living in fantasy. If I only moved to this city and had this big plan, then everything would be romantic and true. If I only had this job and made this amount of money, then I wouldn't have any worries. If I only took this road trip to this place. If I only lived this sort of lifestyle that would allow me to live justly, peacefully, happily. If I only, if I only, if I only.

Why does it seem that I'm wired to escape what God has placed in front of me? I think it might be that I was created to live in peace. Peace with myself, peace with others, peace with the circumstances I exist within. But what's in front of me disturbs my soul, breaks my heart, takes me away from the peace I was created to exist in. So I seek. Usually taking the easiest means possible. Fantasy, entertainment, whatever makes me feel a little more at peace, a little more in control.

The problem with all of these means of escape is that they fly right in face of our faith. They contradict the very thing Jesus is trying to offer us... peace. We toil. We go through a million means seeking peace for our souls, and each seems to destroy us a little bit more. Instead of meeting Christ and facing the poor circumstances and situations we live in, we turn our heads, both from Jesus and reality. Reality is that there is no peace that comes from this world. To admit and acknowledge this is to let go of control, and we don't like letting go of control. At least I feel in control while I'm attempting to flight my reality.

Truth is that Jesus is offering us peace in our reality. But it's the most frightening thing we might ever do, trust that Jesus is who He says He is. Trust that our reality, our lives, will be okay in the end. Trust that we no longer need to toil anymore. Trust that peace is ours now, if we'll only have it. In the midst of terrible and tragic circumstances, Jesus is offering us peace. Anywhere and everywhere on this earth, Jesus is offering us peace.

May we start trusting, accepting, and coming to Jesus a little more each day. And having that peace, may we begin to face our realities a little more each day. We might just find ourselves being a little more satisfied with where we are. We might find ourselves loving a little more, enjoying those who exist around us, offering our hand of peace, for no other reason than that we have received it from the One who gives it.

Reality be in your hearts. Peace be in your hands.

2009-10-08T12:51:00.003-05:00

My heart beats to the pulse of Your Words

And my death is the length of Your silence.

Cardiac arrest me to Your Chest against my chest

And I'll listen to Your Breath.

The music of Your Body is best

O' sweet Lord, orchestrate into us Your rest.

Your Chest against my chest and I'll listen to Your Breath.

It's time to rest... time to rest... time to rest...

Time to reset.

2009-07-20T17:36:00.003-05:00

I am waiting for the slow down... won't it slow down.

Blink your eyes, miss the sights, time flies by.

Where have the days gone? What happened to life's song? I want my mom.

Dad, do you remember your span? See the movement of God's hand? What does it mean to be a man?

I'm waiting for the slow down... won't it slow down.

Shh... don't you hear the sound?

Listen... you can hear His heart pound.

Creation's tempo moves so slow. But we have to go... go, go.

I'm screaming 'NO!'

Wanna watch the clouds flow, see the sun burst and glow.

Sister, don't you miss your brother? Wonder what it's like when we really love one another?

I'm moving toward the slow down... come baby, let's just slow down.

2009-05-17T19:06:00.002-05:00

Poetry & Silence

Most of the time, the only way I can comprehend this world is in poetry and silence. I sit in silence... and think in poetry... wondering what in the world has gotten into us, or maybe what has left. There really aren't words for the things that we do, the ways of this world. So I find myself engaging it in poetry... sometimes aimless rhythm and rhyme,

"What a tremendous contradiction...
what a great piece of humorous non-fiction.
Enunciate your diction...
Portray the friction... take a lick and keep on
Tickin', tock, tock, tickin'... round and round til you find yourself smitten.
Glove on the right hand, none on the left...
Lets get outa here, we're freezin' to death."

but mostly it's broken fragments of words that only make sense when they're first birthed in my mind. One moment a wealth of meaning, the next a pile of letters spelling nothing you can quite sound-out... which ends up mirroring the very thing I was attempting to express. It's funny how these broken things work out, making a painful harmony. I struggle to know whether it's beautiful or terribly tragic. I struggle to know anything at all. And so I'll go... engaging the world in poetry and silence.
Time of the most, it's the make sense that only thing.

2009-03-23T19:38:00.001-05:00

Tension!

Tension has been resounding through my life lately. Partially the emotional feeling of it, but what I'd like to explore right now is the mental thought of it. Pondering the fact that so much tension exists within our world, within ourselves, and (what I'll speak mostly of) within the Christian faith.

There's just so much tension: being responsible about tomorrow, while responding today; Christ being fully God, and yet fully man; allowing the Spirit to lead, while knowing you need to take the step; the Kingdom already and not yet; self interpretation of Scripture, or accepting the traditions of church and academic interpretation; friendship evangelism or street preaching; looking forward to the One Day, and dwelling rightly in the now; needing to share what's most Real and True, and doing so properly; and there is o' so much more.

I've been realizing lately, that when one side of these tensions wins over, we lose so much. A push in the far direction of either manifests unhealthy words and actions. "I'm passion about this and want to pursue it, but I don't like the tension I'm feeling," and so "I'll choose this route over the other." And we'll go rallying those around us to our side of right living, forgetting about the thing we desired to pursue in the first place. At the worst of times, we'll end up hurting those around us and divorcing them for not being so aligned with us. Or you'll stand in the opposite of passion, being given to complete laziness, not standing for much, if anything, at all.

Most of these thoughts are being birthed by a Church history class I'm in right now, and to my surprise, nearly all of the significant events we're studying involve factions, schisms, and divisions. And while studying these things all I can think of is Jesus' cry for us to be one, as He is one with the Father, that we may be in Him so that the world may believe that Jesus is who He says He is, that His name might be glorified. And so... what shall we do with all this tension? In the midst of these tensions, how do we live in right relationship with ourselves, the world, the Church at large, and most importantly God ? I certainly don't have any great answers, but I do believe that it might start by not forfeiting the tension. I do believe that it's okay for us to suspend within the tension, for we are finite beings peering into the endless.

May we be the kind of people who roll up our sleeves, stretch out our arms, and grab hold. Father, reveal to us Yourself as we move and dwell within the tensions of our faith.

2009-02-05T17:47:00.003-06:00

Lament... such an integral part of the Christian faith. Where have you gone lament? Where have you gone!?

The church has sidelined and ignored the one true expression for a fallen world. Placed at the back of the closet and told, "We won't be needing this any more." I feel its time to pick lament back up, dust it off, and push the church back into a healthy reality.

As much as we'd like to push pain and suffering out of our 'worship' settings within the church, we simply can not. We exist within a fallen world... God knows it... we know it... so let us not ignore it. Tragedies are taking place daily, and our response is a heartless "Trust the Lord" or "God works all things out for good." Now I am not saying that God is not good, surely He is the very essence of goodness. Nor am I saying that we should not trust God, there is none more trustworthy. I am saying that the Christian response to grief, pain, and suffering is more times heartless than loving.

Pain and suffering begs an embrace. Both from the one dwelling in it, and those situated around it. Suffering and searching souls must express their anguish. Injustice, sin, and the rest of the dark powers of this world need to be acknowledged and called by their right name. How can you ask for help if you don't recognize that there's a problem? Once we've expressed our sufferings, pains, sins, and wrong-doings... it is then that we can cry out to God for His Strength, Forgiveness, Healing, Freedom, and Grace.

Lament... cry out... and then you can truly profess, with a pure heart, that God is Good, Trustworthy, and Mighty to Save. Lament simply cannot remain stagnant... otherwise our worship turns to nothing but a shaking fist... and there we will sit... steeping in a pool of our own bitterness... suffering all the more. Lament must not be ruled by emotion, yet it should certainly not ignore it. Lament must move, must progress... saying that "even though things aren't alright right now, I will trust in You." Lament is the essential acknowledgment that we are not home yet. Praise is the exclamation that we can't wait to get there.

Lord, teach us what it means to lament. Show us Your Heart and give us Your Perspective in the midst of our sufferings. Teach us to respond with a pure and loving heart to those hurting around us. Lord, let us give place to lament once again, that our hearts might be changed, that it might be well with our souls, that we will praise You honestly in Spirit and in Truth. We long for Your Kingdom and Reign Father... You are the best place to be.

2008-10-04T13:47:00.004-05:00

I am trapped... all around me.

Symbols strewn together in intentional order to create meaning and significance... this is all so magical and lovely... yet so very dangerous. These symbols, that you're deciphering, lead us on a road.. linear lines to linear reason.. creating individualistic thought, and individualistic self. This is the result of hundreds of years of a media rut.
The printing press really has done a number (or letter) on us. I crave true community, but I, but we, have been pressed into an anti-community being by the very way we communicate. We've gone away from a tribal and community based mentality, mostly the result of our own perceived intellect. What is the mother of all learning... text book or experience?... solidarity or conversation? Where has 20th century media brought us; further away from each other... more alone.
"You are more connected than ever!" cry the online social network and cell phone. And they may be right... but what sort of connection does the soul cry for? The arms-length shallow connection given from symbols strewn together on a screen, or the intimacy of personal conversation... when I can see the way your nose wiggles between thoughts and your eyes sharpen as I confess my past. We are begging to feel connection... to God, to the Earth, to each other. This isn't a cry to leave technology and modern media behind, but more of a "wake up!" Lets not be so ignorant and examine the mediums by which we connect... "The message is in the medium" - Marshall McLuhan.

Clearly you may think myself a hypocrite writing these words on the pages of a screen, and certainly I feel like one. I am a prisoner to what's around me. Because I can write things down and place thoughts outside of myself, I think I can be objective and free...
I am Not objective
I can not be
Experience has it's finger prints all over me.

I can not simply jump from where I am to the finish line. This is simply the start... to the finish of something that is surely beautiful.

e m d o e f r s i i n h c r s t i l n a o e

2008-07-11T21:07:00.003-05:00

I am poured out... I am tired... and I'm sick.
I am sustained... I am hopeful... I am rich.
I am broken... I am spilled... I am growing.
I am rooted... I am fruitful... I am open.
I am allegory... I am rhythm... I am played.
I am flesh... I am heart... I am bone.
I am spirit... I am soul... I am not my own.
...Jesus...

2008-06-08T16:01:00.003-05:00

Depth Perception

For some odd reason depth-perception has been on my mind. So I'm about to ramble on for quite some time trying to process what I've been thinking, which could certainly amount to nothing... so if you'd rather not deal with the ramblings, feel free to be on your way... if you're even slightly intrigued, lets continue. Depth is something that makes the dimensions of our world… without depth the dimensions of our world would certainly be boring… and our world would certainly be something else. Perception is the human goggle… it is how we understand our current state-of-being through our senses, mind, and soul.

Normally when depth-perception enters my mind I immediately think of distances between objects that are away from myself. As in when, imagine now, looking out the window you can see that the clouds in the sky are farther away than the tree in your yard, and even so that the tree is farther from you than the children playing in the yard.

Now what is it that makes depth-perception possible? The first two things that enter my mind: movement and light. Movement because as I look at the sky and the tree I can see the clouds moving behind the tree, and just the same with the children playing in front of the tree. Even the movement caused by the blowing wind within the tree allows me to see the depth within the tree itself… those branches and leaves which are further and those which are closer. And light because the shades and shadows brought out by light allow me to recognize depth all the more. The shades of green throughout the tree and the shadows that are cast by the leaves, branches, and trunk allow me to see exactly what position the tree is in.

What would our world be like without depth… and more so… movement and light? Maybe that’s not quite conceivable… how about a world with less depth, less movement, and less light? When I first think of a world without movement I think of a picture… a still-world. But even within that image I can see some depth. Now I can picture the light slowly dimming out of the still-world and noticing the depth also fading away. And now I think I picture something a lot like Hell. Is it possible that Hell is the complete lack and disappearance of depth?

I guess all this has me realizing that God is the God of Infinite Depth… and that our perceiving the smallest bit of that depth is one of the many graces we all receive while in this life. The human goggle, the senses, the mind, the depth… such blessing we receive… such glory to His Name be. Makes me think of the Biblical story and its depth… the creation, the man, the woman, the temptation, the fall, the chosen people, the slavery, the exodus, the deliverance, the desert, the testing, the promise land, the stiff-necked, the prophetic Word, the Savior, the healing, the ever-so-full-of-depth parables, the miracles, the bread, the wine, the cross, the broken-body, the blood, the redemption, the resurrection, the commission, the Spirit, the Church, the mistakes, the never-ending grace, the you, the me, the never-ending story. It is amazing to think of the interconnection and depth of the whole Story… and to think that this is only how it begins.

2008-05-11T20:11:00.005-05:00

Father awe
in all...

Your creation is
groaning.

Come Light
Shine.. Amen.

Tonight... hearts are breaking and dying...
And tonight... hearts are being restored and born anew.
This is the endless cycle we go through...
with dormant eras of numbness and locked doors...
and hopeful changes with all sensation and welcoming.
But most often times when love is dying...
O' how we seek and yearn for that love that never fails...
never ends...
...that love...
is of the rarest of finds in this life.
So I can only hope that death will bring us all to such eternal Love...
...and I hope we are all ready to receive it.

-Just some writings of old.

2008-04-19T16:50:00.004-05:00

"You are a tree.
A beautiful tree... and you are your own tree... with your own different and unique characteristics. Branches that spread and flourish... yet no fruit is being produced. You certainly look like a tree that's different... but how will you be recognized without any fruit? How will you live on without the reproductive seeds within fruit?

Matthew 7:16-21

'By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. Not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.'"

I'm honestly scared.

2008-04-06T18:08:00.001-05:00

True Restoration

I’ve been contemplating a lot lately… about my desire to see things in this world restored… about what it looks like when the Kingdom is here… and as strange as it sounds… how this relates to Jesus. That sounds terrible… but it’s true. I get to conjuring up these ideals of restoration and Kingdom and what it might look like here and now, and I forget to connect the dots to Jesus. Needless to say… this has lead to the serious questioning of my ideals for restoration and Kingdom.

I hear of these of social justice movements, non-profit groups, and humanitarian organizations… so many of them doing beautiful things that are restoring parts of this world… and I clap my hands… and I get excited… and I want to go help. There is nothing wrong with this… except for the fact that too often I forget Jesus as being the focal point of restoration.

I’ve thought hard lately… about what if all my ideals were to be fulfilled. What if these social justice movements, non-profits, and humanitarians spread throughout the world and brought about equality, peace, justice, and prosperity for literally everyone in the world? What if the AIDS epidemic was conquered? What if everyone on earth had clean drinking water? What if we all feasted like kings?... or at least like middle-class Americans.. What if we cured cancer? What if the sex-trade was a thing of the past? What if all these things were accomplished aside from Jesus?

First you might argue that these things wouldn’t ever be accomplished, especially aside from Jesus, and I would agree. But what if they were accomplished… what if there was a group or a person… some political genius who could bring about equality, peace, justice, and prosperity for the world… aside from Jesus. Well… that certainly sounds something like an anti-Christ to me. Sure… all my ideals for restoration would be realized… but what about God’s Kingdom?

So this leads me to honestly question these social justice movements, non-profits, and humanitarians. I have to admit… and I have to believe… that aside from Christ… the best these groups can do is slap band-aids on fatal injuries. Is it possible that we could fix all things that are temporary… and still have made no progress? Can you restore or save a life without a true Redeemer or Savior? Surely we ourselves have the potential to restore and redeem… but does it ever last?

This leads me to believe that honestly the best thing we can do for a person… is show and speak to them the good news of Jesus Christ. Does that mean that all social justice movements, non-profit groups, and humanitarian organizations are completely invalid?.. Certainly not. But I would argue that they’ll have no lasting significance if their focus remains away from Christ.

So I have to believe that the Kingdom here and now might not look like I expect it. It might not be a prosperous place where everyone is quaint and nice. The Kingdom might be in a place enduring many hardships and heavy oppression. The Kingdom might be a poverty stricken neighborhood. But I know that wherever it is…it is a place where Christ is exclaimed as Lord and Savior… and I have to believe that through whatever hardships and oppressive forces these places are dealing with… knowing Christ is what gets them through… knowing Christ is what restores and redeems them.

True Restoration is from God… to not believe so is to shame the glory of Christ. I could jump on every restoration movement for the rest of my life, but can I… can we… mere human beings… bring full restoration to this world… to ourselves? I don’t believe so. Does this mean that I’m going to stop trying to help people out and bring about some restoration?... No! But I will recognize that true restoration comes through Christ and the Holy Spirit… and I also need recognize that this true restoration… is the only lasting restoration I can offer a person… and that is the gospel of Jesus. Knowing and worshiping Jesus is simply the best we can do. One day He will return… He will establish His Kingdom by His Own Will… “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” What could I possibly offer greater than this? My hope and trust will forever lie with Him.

2008-03-02T14:50:00.003-06:00

How could you not respond to His Love?
Is it possible to experience and realize This Love,
and yet be unchanged?
When I really ponder Such Love...
I get this welling between my heart and stomach...
half receiving and being nourished by Thy Love,
and half hungering and bleeding to act on Heavenly Love.
I couldn't hoard it even if I wanted to...
Simply breathe and exhale Peace-Giving Love.

2008-02-10T18:06:00.001-06:00

There has been this tension dwelling within me for awhile now… it has caused quite a bit of uncomfort and a little bit of pain. I hadn’t been able to shed any light on the situation until just recently. The tension seems to be caused by the friction between my bone-deep feelings to be a responsible person… and my soul consuming desire to fully pursue, know, and love Christ. What struck me sideways about this realization was the fact that both of these characteristics within me seem to be very good things.

Responsibility was sewn and carved into my being by my father from the day I was born… and I honestly couldn’t be happier for it. My dad’s character of responsibility shined in every aspect of his life… and I watched… and I listened… and I learned. I could never repay him for the lessons he taught me... half of which he didn’t intend to teach.

The friction hits every time I read and listen to the Word. Every time I do I hear the beckoning… ‘Follow me, let the dead buy their own… don’t worry what you will eat or drink or how you will dress… go sell your possessions…’ I believe what He says is good… and I know that what He says will bring about true life. However, all the things I hear scream irresponsibility… and I do not know how to deal with that. I don’t know how to discard responsibility in the process of seeking Him… or if I really even need to. It certainly doesn’t seem that being a responsible person would draw me away from Christ… but I can see how it is. I hold such an emphasis on being personally responsible that is really doesn’t leave much room for trust… and I really think that this is what all this is pointing to… trust. Do I really trust that what He says is good?.. Do I really trust that He’ll take care of me?.. Do I really trust that He loves me and will never leave me? If I am answering ‘Yes’ and really believing it… then I would have to think that this tension within me would be dissolved.. or at least not as uncomforting.

2008-02-02T18:40:00.000-06:00

I’ve been struggling and wrestling with an issue for awhile now, and just recently it has been hitting hard, so much so that I cannot seem to push it out of my mind. It’s this thought of evangelism. Even typing the word brings up feelings and words of negativity. I think of something that is anti-relational, agenda-pushing, and ineffective. For the most part, I pretty much shut my mind down at any mention of it… or I react harshly against it. But lately… I’ve been entertaining thoughts… I’m trying to be open about it… but it sucks.

What I’m realizing is… if I’m really trying to be honest with myself… is that I’m really turned away from the thought of evangelism because I’m told that I’m suppose to do it… and that in actually sharing my faith (the gospel) I will be very uncomfortable. I’m realizing this because when I hear of other people evangelizing, for the most part, I really don’t have a problem… in fact it usually makes me glad… and it is this that made me realize that negative connotations of evangelism come mostly when I think of evangelism applied to myself. Now I have argued with myself, and other believers, that evangelism really isn’t for everyone… that God will call and move the Holy Spirit to those He will use for evangelism. This only made sense to me because of Paul… he was very much sought out to evangelize through a Divine intervention which turned his life upside down… and of course… I’ve no experience like that in my life… so I suppose I’m not called to evangelize.

Up to this point this has really been my view toward evangelism… good for those who do it, just not for me. This led me to not only never sharing what was fully good within my life with people who I wasn’t sure knew Christ, but usually directing the conversation away from it. The problem with this is that I’m feeling like I’m lying to myself… like Christ really isn’t that good… or worse… He is only good for me. I’ve really felt stuck in this lately… because I get such a sick feeling when I think about going around with the sole purpose to share what I hold to be True in a seemingly unloving and uncaring way… but I also shouldn’t be suppressing it… certainly if it is something or someone truly Good.

The conclusion that I’ve come to just this hour… is that what I really need to do… is that I have to become a whole person in Christ, as Christ is wholly in me. I can no longer separate evangelism over there and me over here. In fact, there really need be no need for the word ‘evangelism.’ If I am to be wholly in Christ, this should be a natural and integrated part of my life. Not only should the simplicity of my being be screaming His good news, I should also be not afraid to use words when necessary. If I am to be wholly in Christ, prayer and the Spirit will inevitably lead to situations where I am drawing those around me closer to Him whom I know… and I don’t want to do this in a cool and trendy manner, where I am only going to great extents to accomplish this, like flying around the world to third-world countries or going to bars and the homeless on the streets… while certainly that is all great… but why should I shy away from the ignorant-upper-middle-class American or any other person for that matter. I will simply be who I am (and I am in Christ) in all situations to all those who surround me… and I should only hope that Christ will reach out from inside of me to bring them to knowing Him… for I do believe that He is Wholly Good… and worth knowing.

2007-12-05T09:29:00.000-06:00

My identity... is found...
when I drive this car...
when I walk into this apartment...
when I listen to this music, read these books, wear these clothes, work this job, take up these hobbies, and act these certain ways.
Must I be so validated by a jury of peers? Must I be so validated by myself?

How brilliant it would be to live in the wilderness... with nothing but the clothes on your back. How amazing it would be actually having to live..just to survive... to truly become connected with the earth... to live with her... take care of her... because she takes care of you. O' how you might truly find your identity... O' how you might really know yourself. The setting of the wilderness telling you the character you are and the story that is being told. Certainly there would be no finding your identity in possessions, trends, or knowledge... only the task to live, survive, and enjoy another day. How could you not meet the Creator while living in and with all His created... Him telling you who you are each day you get by... each day you truly live the life you were meant for.

2007-11-21T11:17:00.000-06:00

First day of snow here in Lincoln. It's a very light, soft snow. I took a walk in it this morning... it was quite beautiful. The wind was piercing and the snow was blown around effortlessly by the wind... but in the tranquil areas, where the wind could not touch the snow, the snow fell so aimlessly and yet so eloquently.

I find hope in the snow. Something that exists naturally that is so beautiful, pure, and innocent. In its floating around it is so simply full of wonder. It is only tainted once it hits the ground... which gets me to thinking that we were meant to fly. But we have fallen...
and hit the ground...
and been ever so tainted.
I can only hope that one day the wind will pick us back up again... and we will float around as beautiful, pure, and innocent as the snow.

2007-11-19T11:58:00.000-06:00

I am horrible at remembering things. Yesterday was my brother’s birthday. I only knew this because the reminder on my phone went off while I was writing a paper about international political economics. I forget about everything...even about the things that are very dear to me; details in conversations with people that I love, I will let my mind run and space off and appear to be listening, but really I'm thousands of miles away...and two days later the conversation will cross my mind and I’ll have no recollection.

I even forget about my spirituality sometimes... about the situation I find myself in with the God of the universe. Then I have to remember: No matter how hard I try, no matter how good I try to be, no matter how righteous I can try to make my life…I am still not worthy or deserving of the gifts that my Father in heaven gives. My righteousness, my purity, my salvation have already been given to me through Christ. My broken nature has been reconciled to Christ and I have done nothing to warrant this kind of love.
So I must remember and questions myself: Why do I do the things I do? Why do I try to live a blameless and righteous lifestyle? The answer is not because I must make myself pure and holy before God, He has already done for me what I could not do anyway. The answer is... because I love Christ. My motivations must be a response to the love that Christ has for me. Honestly, I am no good, but I wish to love Christ.

So I choose to love Him,
to make decisions that will reflect my love for Him,
and to be grateful for the love of Christ and the grace of the Father.

I don't like this about myself...my forgetfulness...the busy lifestyle I push myself into that distracts me from things that really are worth remembering. This is something I can change... this isn't something that is 'simply a part of life'... I can and I will choose to slow down... as to thoroughly enjoy life...to take it in fully...and remember.